Today is a day I haven't had in quite some time. Just when you think you have it all figured out or that you are done learning it's either Peace Corps, Ukraine or something else that reminds you that you don't! I started the day in a mood. In fact, the last three days I have been moody. I don't like to feel that way so I know exactly when it comes and goes. I mean you can't be happy all the time, right? Maybe you can and I missed that seminar. Either way the "mood" has settled back in. It has rained for the last three days as well so the weather and I "got the memo"! I worked out this morning and went to my office. My intention was to be productive and get some things done and that never actually happens the way you plan. I checked some emails and caught up with a few friends online and then found some interesting organizations in Kiev by research which was quite a surprise. I met with my Ukrainian friend who helped me with my Russian homework and then we left together. I was intending on paying my cable bill and buying some train tickets for my parents arrival into Kiev this weekend. But when I was at the cable company I realized I didn't have my wallet so I guess I am not paying my bill today...haha joke is on you. So I walk the rest of the way home because I have no money so bus is not an option. I get home and there is my wallet...YES! Saved by that bell. This is another reason why I try not to be moody because when you are in a bad mood sending out all of those bad vibes into the universe she comes back to bite you in the ass! So I just knew that my wallet missing was a reminder to snap out of it!!
So I decide that even though it is rainy and cold and I am finally home in my warm apartment and my wallet is safe that I should go back out and buy some train tickets. You never know if they will sell out so the sooner the better. Now going to the train station is an excursion. You never know how long you will be there, what events you might witness and how much money you will spend! Now another thing I have learned is if you ever go anywhere with me and there is a "line" involved you should get in the opposite one as me. I have a tendency to get in the wrong line each and everytime. In particular the line I was in today I was only one person behind when this woman comes over and tells me she was behind the girl in front of me but because she can't stand up in the line she was sitting down until it was her turn. Now you must know that "lines" in Ukraine are something special and there is always a story. So I let her go and I am thinking that she will be a few minutes. 25 minutes later she is still trying to get tickets to this city in Ukraine. I tried not to pay attention in the beginning of the conversation and now I was just irritated. Then another guy comes over and asks if he can go in front of me and ask a question....You should have seen my face. And if anyone knows me when I am irritated you want to stay away. Now people don't talk down to men in this country and I was like look dude if you want to get in front of me you better make it fast!
I decided after 25 minutes that I was going to try another line. 30 people had gone through the train station in the time that I stood behind this woman. So I changed lines and got taken care of faster. Even the man who told me he would be "fast" wasn't that fast. And he waited all that time behind that woman to ask a question? I mean really!
This place is so interesting sometimes. The funny thing about this is that it is not anything abnormal. This shit happens every single day to someone. Whether it is a PCV or a Ukrainian. No different than what you go through in the USA or somewhere else in the world. It just so happens to get on my nerves today! And it was just a friendly reminder that I don't have it all figured out. Keeping me on my toes. It just made me look at things. I analyzed again my PC service and why things like this can be so challenging. I realize that everyday is challenging and that just getting through the days and their ridiculous turn of events is probably what keeps us going. I mean we like this stuff or we wouldn't do it. I don't think we (I) ever realized what kinds of things would be challenging. Everyday something reminds me that I don't have a damn clue. Somehow that is ok. I kind of like it being ok. It wasn't ok in my old life. Not sure what the difference is or if there is one. It might have just been me thinking I needed to know everything.
Last week I had a meeting with the disabled children's center in my town. I am thinking that my center needs help trying to figure out what to do with the kids when they come and how to figure out how to get the kids to come there. So I put together some ideas for these things and come in ready to present it to the staff and the kids parents. Meanwhile...I was there for ideas on "how to get money"! Should have known. Apparently, my center is equipped with all kinds of things and ideas on how to entertain children. I am not sure they care if more kids come to the center. I don't know what they want and I leave the meeting slightly defeated. There was some good that came of it. They did have their first round table discussion that included parents which was impressive. That was my idea! And they are interested in looking into volunteers for all of these awesome ideas they have. We will see how this evolves. I was super excited about it and I think I can find my mojo again. I was just defeated in the meeting. I was trying to get them to understand their wants and needs and the difference and think about how they can get what they need on their own. They just kept coming back to the idea of getting computers and they want me to find the money. I can't just do that and I need to figure out to make them understand this.
I think I had high hopes and expectations again this year. My last few months at site and I am trying to make an impact that I will be proud of. I want to have this BAM project happen and be remembered forever. I don't think that is how it works.
So I decide that even though it is rainy and cold and I am finally home in my warm apartment and my wallet is safe that I should go back out and buy some train tickets. You never know if they will sell out so the sooner the better. Now going to the train station is an excursion. You never know how long you will be there, what events you might witness and how much money you will spend! Now another thing I have learned is if you ever go anywhere with me and there is a "line" involved you should get in the opposite one as me. I have a tendency to get in the wrong line each and everytime. In particular the line I was in today I was only one person behind when this woman comes over and tells me she was behind the girl in front of me but because she can't stand up in the line she was sitting down until it was her turn. Now you must know that "lines" in Ukraine are something special and there is always a story. So I let her go and I am thinking that she will be a few minutes. 25 minutes later she is still trying to get tickets to this city in Ukraine. I tried not to pay attention in the beginning of the conversation and now I was just irritated. Then another guy comes over and asks if he can go in front of me and ask a question....You should have seen my face. And if anyone knows me when I am irritated you want to stay away. Now people don't talk down to men in this country and I was like look dude if you want to get in front of me you better make it fast!
I decided after 25 minutes that I was going to try another line. 30 people had gone through the train station in the time that I stood behind this woman. So I changed lines and got taken care of faster. Even the man who told me he would be "fast" wasn't that fast. And he waited all that time behind that woman to ask a question? I mean really!
This place is so interesting sometimes. The funny thing about this is that it is not anything abnormal. This shit happens every single day to someone. Whether it is a PCV or a Ukrainian. No different than what you go through in the USA or somewhere else in the world. It just so happens to get on my nerves today! And it was just a friendly reminder that I don't have it all figured out. Keeping me on my toes. It just made me look at things. I analyzed again my PC service and why things like this can be so challenging. I realize that everyday is challenging and that just getting through the days and their ridiculous turn of events is probably what keeps us going. I mean we like this stuff or we wouldn't do it. I don't think we (I) ever realized what kinds of things would be challenging. Everyday something reminds me that I don't have a damn clue. Somehow that is ok. I kind of like it being ok. It wasn't ok in my old life. Not sure what the difference is or if there is one. It might have just been me thinking I needed to know everything.
Last week I had a meeting with the disabled children's center in my town. I am thinking that my center needs help trying to figure out what to do with the kids when they come and how to figure out how to get the kids to come there. So I put together some ideas for these things and come in ready to present it to the staff and the kids parents. Meanwhile...I was there for ideas on "how to get money"! Should have known. Apparently, my center is equipped with all kinds of things and ideas on how to entertain children. I am not sure they care if more kids come to the center. I don't know what they want and I leave the meeting slightly defeated. There was some good that came of it. They did have their first round table discussion that included parents which was impressive. That was my idea! And they are interested in looking into volunteers for all of these awesome ideas they have. We will see how this evolves. I was super excited about it and I think I can find my mojo again. I was just defeated in the meeting. I was trying to get them to understand their wants and needs and the difference and think about how they can get what they need on their own. They just kept coming back to the idea of getting computers and they want me to find the money. I can't just do that and I need to figure out to make them understand this.
I think I had high hopes and expectations again this year. My last few months at site and I am trying to make an impact that I will be proud of. I want to have this BAM project happen and be remembered forever. I don't think that is how it works.
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